Journey.Above.Poverty

This one is for the Boss. The Head JAP.

Someday you'll read this Murph and you'll know how you affected me, how your infectious drive and will to succeed permeated my brain and oiled the rusty gears in my get-up-n-go. You inspire me, move me, motivate me, and I have only begun to know you.

Like rats in a maze we are...existing in our cubicle world, working in boxes that line row after row, close in proximity, but a million miles away from the person next to us most of the time, but one day you stood up and I listened to you talk about your music, and your goals and ambitions, my interest piqued and the intrigue into "Murph" began. I listened everyday to your conversations with others around us and found myself smiling because of the energy I felt from you, and then we spoke to one another. God does not have accidents, I was meant to talk to you that day, to know you beyond just being a face over the cubicle.

You became a welcome smile in the mornings, and in passing through out the day and the warmth of your being was a nice change from the cold world of the cubes. I knew you were someone I could trust in, someone I could call a friend, and sure enough when I asked for a favor, you picked up and came to my rescue to help, and then i really knew that you were all that you seemed and more.

I miss you already Man, but I can't help but smile because I see so clearly today why God connected us, even tho for a short time before you needed to make moves and be away...your going to be on that very small list of people who have pushed and inspired me when I release that first book, I promise you. Today you sparked something in me that you may never realize. I have known people who talk about Faith, but you...Wow. I've never known someone so brave, and so willing to just jump in headfirst to be true to the passion in your soul. I have NO doubt that your going to succeed, there is no other option because you have GOD in your heart to depths that many will never get.  As I told you today, there is nothing you can't accomplish because your moving and shaking for all the right reasons, striving to live true to the gifts that the Creator gave you. God Bless you my friend, always....Shine that light, rap that song, change the world!

You've got a friend in me Boss....and I thank you from the depths of my being for taking the time to talk to me and share your dream and your Faith, and without even knowing or meaning to, for inspiring me to keep it moving and to not only not give up, but stop being blocked by fears and doubts, but instead to Leap, on nothing more than a pure and simple FAITH that all will be just as it needs to be; and for the reminder that if I don't nurture my dreams and paint them in vivid color, they will never be more than just dreams, because no one else is going to make them come true for me.
You picked a beautiful day for traveling, and I know that God will have your back all the way. Embrace the warmth of the sun, appreciate all the little things along the way, stop and smell the roses, and never stop believing in yourself.

~Be blessed

Lost and Found

"Depression is a state of massive deception, distorting everything that is true about life and the world around you. Those of us who have had to face this demon have tried all we know how to break free. To rid ourselves of this dreadful disease, we try to smoke it out, sex it out, educate it out, counsel it out, medicate it out, shop it out, snort it out, shit it out. In the end, we find that no matter how much we do,or who we do it with, no external effort alone conquers depression. " (I Cant live like this Anymore!; Lilada Gee)

I came across this today as I was reading her book about surviving sexual abuse. She has the link to this blog, I'm hoping that she will read this and know that her words, her suffering, and her healing have touched someone else, and healed something in me as well.

When I started writing this today, my eyes were filled with tears, my loyal friends, Fear and Distrust, were sitting close by, and then suddenly my phone rang and it was a friend that I have met through some of the same work that I do with the sexual assault center. He called to tell me about his latest case, a family with three children, all of them walking home from an after-school program and were hit by a city bus, one of them dead. The words hit me like I was standing in front of that bus, the impact those images had on my mind was overwhelming, and all I could do was surrender to the tears that now fell like a steady rain down my face. Somewhere a mother was mourning the loss of her child; a child that would never return home, a child that she had to say goodbye to.  Then the realization hit me about the tears that were streaming down my face; I felt her pain in all the ways that I could, with not knowing her experience, but even more than that, I felt my own pain inside for moments before feeling sorry for myself, and being dominated by fear; when the reality is and was, that my life is peaceful, and that my children are safe and sound, and that even though in this moment it feels like things are out of place and unsecured in my life, I have to know and believe that GOD is working right now. He worked when that phone rang and made me realize the gratitude I felt, the blessings I have, and the love that fills my life. I don't have money the way I want it, and I won't be out filling shopping carts for Christmas, but at the end of the day, I have all of the important things in life, the things that really truly matter, and the rest can be achieved with a little more Faith and Perseverance. I know I'm on the road that He has been guiding me to; sometimes I just get tripped up on my own feet and I stumble.

As each new breath fills my lungs, I am gifted with another chance to do the work in my life; I pray I don't waste anymore time on self pity and loathing; but instead rise to the challenges before me and work to create the life that HE and I both know I am capable of with focus.
I pray for myself and for everyone today to be granted the strength to keep going when falling on our knee's seems so much easier...go ahead and drop down for a moment if you need to, then reach up and put it all in His hands, knowing and trusting that HE HAS GOT YOUR BACK.  Stop for a moment and find at least one thing you can be grateful for today, right now. Embrace it- then get up and keep stepping forward into life, your life.
Amen.