"Depression is a state of massive deception, distorting everything that is true about life and the world around you. Those of us who have had to face this demon have tried all we know how to break free. To rid ourselves of this dreadful disease, we try to smoke it out, sex it out, educate it out, counsel it out, medicate it out, shop it out, snort it out, shit it out. In the end, we find that no matter how much we do,or who we do it with, no external effort alone conquers depression. " (I Cant live like this Anymore!; Lilada Gee)
I came across this today as I was reading her book about surviving sexual abuse. She has the link to this blog, I'm hoping that she will read this and know that her words, her suffering, and her healing have touched someone else, and healed something in me as well.
When I started writing this today, my eyes were filled with tears, my loyal friends, Fear and Distrust, were sitting close by, and then suddenly my phone rang and it was a friend that I have met through some of the same work that I do with the sexual assault center. He called to tell me about his latest case, a family with three children, all of them walking home from an after-school program and were hit by a city bus, one of them dead. The words hit me like I was standing in front of that bus, the impact those images had on my mind was overwhelming, and all I could do was surrender to the tears that now fell like a steady rain down my face. Somewhere a mother was mourning the loss of her child; a child that would never return home, a child that she had to say goodbye to. Then the realization hit me about the tears that were streaming down my face; I felt her pain in all the ways that I could, with not knowing her experience, but even more than that, I felt my own pain inside for moments before feeling sorry for myself, and being dominated by fear; when the reality is and was, that my life is peaceful, and that my children are safe and sound, and that even though in this moment it feels like things are out of place and unsecured in my life, I have to know and believe that GOD is working right now. He worked when that phone rang and made me realize the gratitude I felt, the blessings I have, and the love that fills my life. I don't have money the way I want it, and I won't be out filling shopping carts for Christmas, but at the end of the day, I have all of the important things in life, the things that really truly matter, and the rest can be achieved with a little more Faith and Perseverance. I know I'm on the road that He has been guiding me to; sometimes I just get tripped up on my own feet and I stumble.
As each new breath fills my lungs, I am gifted with another chance to do the work in my life; I pray I don't waste anymore time on self pity and loathing; but instead rise to the challenges before me and work to create the life that HE and I both know I am capable of with focus.
I pray for myself and for everyone today to be granted the strength to keep going when falling on our knee's seems so much easier...go ahead and drop down for a moment if you need to, then reach up and put it all in His hands, knowing and trusting that HE HAS GOT YOUR BACK. Stop for a moment and find at least one thing you can be grateful for today, right now. Embrace it- then get up and keep stepping forward into life, your life.
Amen.
Showing posts with label Health and Well being. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Health and Well being. Show all posts
Friday, December 3, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
The Lost Art of Seduction
This is a topic that has swirled around in my brain for years, it ebbs and wanes, but never leaves; perhaps because it's something that we encounter far too little of when we are really honest with ourselves about it, and even sadder is that there will be some who will read this and realize that maybe they have never felt it; seduction and passion. I can't imagine, but I know very well that those people are out there, because some of them are in my life.
I personally, crave it, need it, and won't do without it, Period. Maybe it's the Scorpio in me that lives and dwells in intensity and high level emotion, or maybe it's the soft feminine part of me; I don't know, I only know that I can't live without it. I have walked away from well meaning men in my life because they didn't know how to seduce or evoke that passion in me, let alone in themselves. I used to feel bad about it; used to, as in I no longer do, and will not ever again, because there is nothing wrong with wanting a man "with a slow hand" as the Pointer Sisters so beautifully sang. Why? Because as humans we crave that contact with another, we have an animalistic desire to be ravished passionately, even though many of us aren't aware of that craving. Do you know how I know though? Soap operas, romance novels, love stories in Hollywood etc., that are making hoards of money because we can't get enough of it..we are a society that feeds off of other people's passion(s), and I think it's because we are either too ashamed/embarrassed to admit that the need lurks within us as well, or because we are just afraid of it. And then there are some of us, who watch romantic movies, absorbed in love scenes, because it's a place we have been and long to be again, so we fill a void through watching it on the big screen; but oftentimes, it's a stark reminder of the holes in our own lives, and that stings a bit, doesn't it? Bittersweet is what it is.
There is a difference between good sex and passionate seductive emotional sex; anyone who has experienced it knows what I'm saying here, right? What is "good sex"? Is it simply sex where the end result is an O or two? For me, that answer is Yes. But, GREAT, Passionate, Seductive Sex? Whew! That, my friends, is a damn Art-form, and one that is all too easily overlooked in this rushed world of ours. It isn't just men that are guilty of it, we are too; sometimes because I think we look at men as "un-errogenous", but men have more than just one spot on their bodies that gets them heated, trust that, it's just a matter of how much time you will take to find out. Along with the art of seduction is the art of communicating; " I hear you, I see you."
We have to stop being afraid of telling each other what we want, what we need and desire, and especially, what we fantasize about! We have to open up and express ourselves! We aren't living in the 1800's anymore, our sexuality is part of us, part of our lives, part of health regimen! (Or at least it SHOULD be!)
And just as important as "asking for it" is being able to hear it as well. Our ego's are sometimes fragile, and instead of hearing our lover ask for more of this or that, or a "hey can we try this," we hear that we aren't doing it right, or good enough, or long enough etc, and when we hear things in that manner, we shut down and become defensive, and then so does our partner.
I think it's important for me to point out here that I am not referring to a completely physical sense of seduction and passion; I am talking more about mental, psychological seduction. And perhaps, it's fair to say that what might be mentally stimulating for me, won't work for the next person and vice versa. I think the people behind the Kama Sutra had something, because the Kama Sutra is all about mental stimulation, patience, & learning to be still and quiet enough to hear your partner as well as yourself, without speaking. Below is a piece of writing I wrote quite some time ago, but when I looked at it today, it fit this blog, so I wanted to add it in....
I personally, crave it, need it, and won't do without it, Period. Maybe it's the Scorpio in me that lives and dwells in intensity and high level emotion, or maybe it's the soft feminine part of me; I don't know, I only know that I can't live without it. I have walked away from well meaning men in my life because they didn't know how to seduce or evoke that passion in me, let alone in themselves. I used to feel bad about it; used to, as in I no longer do, and will not ever again, because there is nothing wrong with wanting a man "with a slow hand" as the Pointer Sisters so beautifully sang. Why? Because as humans we crave that contact with another, we have an animalistic desire to be ravished passionately, even though many of us aren't aware of that craving. Do you know how I know though? Soap operas, romance novels, love stories in Hollywood etc., that are making hoards of money because we can't get enough of it..we are a society that feeds off of other people's passion(s), and I think it's because we are either too ashamed/embarrassed to admit that the need lurks within us as well, or because we are just afraid of it. And then there are some of us, who watch romantic movies, absorbed in love scenes, because it's a place we have been and long to be again, so we fill a void through watching it on the big screen; but oftentimes, it's a stark reminder of the holes in our own lives, and that stings a bit, doesn't it? Bittersweet is what it is.
There is a difference between good sex and passionate seductive emotional sex; anyone who has experienced it knows what I'm saying here, right? What is "good sex"? Is it simply sex where the end result is an O or two? For me, that answer is Yes. But, GREAT, Passionate, Seductive Sex? Whew! That, my friends, is a damn Art-form, and one that is all too easily overlooked in this rushed world of ours. It isn't just men that are guilty of it, we are too; sometimes because I think we look at men as "un-errogenous", but men have more than just one spot on their bodies that gets them heated, trust that, it's just a matter of how much time you will take to find out. Along with the art of seduction is the art of communicating; " I hear you, I see you."
We have to stop being afraid of telling each other what we want, what we need and desire, and especially, what we fantasize about! We have to open up and express ourselves! We aren't living in the 1800's anymore, our sexuality is part of us, part of our lives, part of health regimen! (Or at least it SHOULD be!)
And just as important as "asking for it" is being able to hear it as well. Our ego's are sometimes fragile, and instead of hearing our lover ask for more of this or that, or a "hey can we try this," we hear that we aren't doing it right, or good enough, or long enough etc, and when we hear things in that manner, we shut down and become defensive, and then so does our partner.
I think it's important for me to point out here that I am not referring to a completely physical sense of seduction and passion; I am talking more about mental, psychological seduction. And perhaps, it's fair to say that what might be mentally stimulating for me, won't work for the next person and vice versa. I think the people behind the Kama Sutra had something, because the Kama Sutra is all about mental stimulation, patience, & learning to be still and quiet enough to hear your partner as well as yourself, without speaking. Below is a piece of writing I wrote quite some time ago, but when I looked at it today, it fit this blog, so I wanted to add it in....
MIND GAMES
"Tantra is not just about what happens after you strip off your drawstring pants:
It’s about yielding to a vulnerability that goes beyond that of physical nakedness, and admitting to a lack that many have but few fess up to. It’s about elevating sex to more than just bouncing on the bed springs."
Have you ever thought about that moment when your eyes meet his/hers across a room and you can feel electricity course through your body? It isn’t something that happens between all couples, I’ve learned that, it happens when there is a connection so deeply embedded in you that you just know the thoughts and desires of your partner by simply looking into their eyes. Maybe that’s about trust, maybe its real love, genuine friendship or a beautiful combination of all of that, but whatever it is, it’s something you never forget and something you long for everyday for the rest of your life if you are lucky enough to experience it, and then lose it.
It basically has nothing to do with the physical fulfillment of sex, it’s so much deeper than that, so much more meaningful than that, and I wonder how many of us really ever understand it? Put in simple terms, it’s Mind Sex, and I think the Dead Prez said it all best. (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, I highly recommend you look them up and listen to MIND SEX)
I imagine it’s the deepest level of intimacy in existence; an intercourse beyond anything the body alone can achieve; a mental orgasm that promises to make the physical one exceed all known limits and expectations. Let’s face it, humans, esp. the males of our species (sorry guys) are not very patient when it comes to much of anything, let alone sex. We’re conditioned to be so consumed with the end result that we have no idea of the journey that’s possible before that point; but I want to learn it, I want to know what that is. I feel as though I NEED to know. The beauty of the Tantric is; The raw realness, the trust, the connection, and the simple and basic need to be known so completely, to feel safe enough to be vulnerable without limits, and to know your partner just as equally? Hmmmmm.
Think about the seemingly simple act of kissing; or is it simple? I dare say not. There is nothing simple about a kiss to me. In a moment, I’m giving you my breath, and I’m asking for yours, it’s an exchange, but more even than that, think about the way his or her lips feel against yours in that first moment when they touch, the softness, a bit of shyness maybe, and then an intimate exploration done mouth to mouth. I don’t want to be swallowed by a kiss, nor overpowered; I want to feel a sense of gentle surrender between him and me. I want to feel his love for me in that kiss, Love without urgency and orgasmic promise, just Love and passion; the answer to the question, if you will. Kisses like that are rare, and something to behold. There is so much I could say about kissing.
Seduction and Passion- connection, patience, ambiance. A lover that will light candles, run your bath, put on some mood music and then touch you from head to toe slowly as tho he (or she) is savoring every inch of you like a fine wine, wanting to memorize every curve of you. It's love and connection that you "feel" without words, his touch tells you about his love and adoration for you, his kiss strips away your fears and opens you up to him like a blossom under the springtime sun; THAT is seduction; slow burning, patient seduction; and then when you have surrendered to him (her), that is when the passion truly ignites.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
The Art of BEING....
A million thoughts are racing through my mind right now and I don't know if I will be able to type fast enough to get it all out and have it make sense...
I crawled into bed last night with this amazing feeling of contentment; my bed felt softer, my mind felt quiet, and my heart felt full. I live a life full of LOVE, and altho I forget that now and then and feel sorry for myself for all of the things I don't have yet; I have to remind myself that I am BLESSED. I AM.
Three years ago when I moved into the place I live now, I remember walking out on the deck the day I came to look at the house and as I stood there and took in the serenity of the trees and the small creek in the back yard, something in my soul told me this was the place I needed to be; this was the next stepping stone in my life and I had this inner voice whispering that great things would happen while I was here. That deck has provided a haven for me, a place to escape to when life just seemed too much; it has provided a place for friends to gather and share conversation and laughter; or a place to stand at night and just behold the beauty of the night sky with the stars twinkling above me or the moon glowing like a guiding light. Yes, this place has truly given me so many reasons to feel good and to be content. I stepped out this morning in silence with my coffee and my trusted companion, Fuzzy ( my feline pal) at my feet. I stood there taking in how green the grass is, & how the water in the creek sparkled in the morning sun, and I listened to the birds chirping their morning greetings to one another while Fuzz sat on the railing rubbing her head against me, letting me know that she loves me like only she, a cat, can. And I silently rejoiced inside as I said a thank you to the Universe and to GOD for all that I HAVE.
Life is changing again, as is the way; the constant ebb and flow that this journey requires us to endure; and part of that change is going to bring about a move for me to a smaller place because the kids are going in their own directions more and more and I have to make the adjustments in my own life now also; but as I stood outside this morning on my peaceful deck, I realized how scared I truly am. I dont want to leave the security of this place, it nurtures that solitary country girl in me, while providing me with the ease of city living that feeds another part of my spirit; I have the best of both worlds here and I don't want to let it go, but I have to trust that my God and Goddess have something even better waiting for me around the bend when the times comes for me to step forward into something else.
I have a job interview today for a retail position, and as much as I detest the world of retail work, I have to be happy that I MAY have a job at the end of this, regardless of where it is. I just keep praying that all of this schooling, studying and money owed is going to pan out and take me to the job I want, a place where I feel like I am doing what I set out to do with all of this.
On top of all that, I am back on Weight Watchers Program, trying to get my outside to match the vitality that I feel inside. It's so important to me to be healthy and strong at this point, heaven knows I am not getting any younger!
At the end of December this year, I will have completed 3 years of college and will be a senior in college! Wow, funny how I have struggled to see this in my minds eye, and now its closer than close. God willing, I will be a UWGB graduate next year, the first since my dad to graduate college.
And very soon, I will exit the 30's and enter my 40's, and even though I am working hard to find gratitude in living this long and knowing the life experience that I have been given etc, there is that part of me that also understands that it means yet another transition in my life from one phase to another, and wondering what the coming year(s) will bring and what I will accomplish from here. I feel my spirit becoming restless because I can see the places I want to go explore, the life I want to grab onto, and I feel like there is a clock ticking somewhere, telling me to hurry.
If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would be the person I am right now, I would have doubted, but I have grown and changed, matured and become less combative and hell bent on proving myself to everyone around me; I worry so much less about petty things these days, and trust GOD more; I find joy in simplicity and am not ashamed of being a simple woman when it comes to the material things of this world I live in; I've become in tune enough with myself to know what I want, and what I won't have in my life, and I have sincerely learned to appreciate the love and friendship in my life that is real and true, and not be so concerned about the ones who have proven to be too caught up in themselves to be real friends to anyone else. I have hope that I have taught my children positive things, and that they will take the negative things and use them as learning tools to shape their own lives and behaviors. The bottom line is that I HAVE HOPE each and every day. I never just give up and give in.
Life is a school that teaches us a little bit of everything on any given day; my assignment these days is to master the Art of BEING; just simply Being.
I crawled into bed last night with this amazing feeling of contentment; my bed felt softer, my mind felt quiet, and my heart felt full. I live a life full of LOVE, and altho I forget that now and then and feel sorry for myself for all of the things I don't have yet; I have to remind myself that I am BLESSED. I AM.
Three years ago when I moved into the place I live now, I remember walking out on the deck the day I came to look at the house and as I stood there and took in the serenity of the trees and the small creek in the back yard, something in my soul told me this was the place I needed to be; this was the next stepping stone in my life and I had this inner voice whispering that great things would happen while I was here. That deck has provided a haven for me, a place to escape to when life just seemed too much; it has provided a place for friends to gather and share conversation and laughter; or a place to stand at night and just behold the beauty of the night sky with the stars twinkling above me or the moon glowing like a guiding light. Yes, this place has truly given me so many reasons to feel good and to be content. I stepped out this morning in silence with my coffee and my trusted companion, Fuzzy ( my feline pal) at my feet. I stood there taking in how green the grass is, & how the water in the creek sparkled in the morning sun, and I listened to the birds chirping their morning greetings to one another while Fuzz sat on the railing rubbing her head against me, letting me know that she loves me like only she, a cat, can. And I silently rejoiced inside as I said a thank you to the Universe and to GOD for all that I HAVE.
Life is changing again, as is the way; the constant ebb and flow that this journey requires us to endure; and part of that change is going to bring about a move for me to a smaller place because the kids are going in their own directions more and more and I have to make the adjustments in my own life now also; but as I stood outside this morning on my peaceful deck, I realized how scared I truly am. I dont want to leave the security of this place, it nurtures that solitary country girl in me, while providing me with the ease of city living that feeds another part of my spirit; I have the best of both worlds here and I don't want to let it go, but I have to trust that my God and Goddess have something even better waiting for me around the bend when the times comes for me to step forward into something else.
I have a job interview today for a retail position, and as much as I detest the world of retail work, I have to be happy that I MAY have a job at the end of this, regardless of where it is. I just keep praying that all of this schooling, studying and money owed is going to pan out and take me to the job I want, a place where I feel like I am doing what I set out to do with all of this.
On top of all that, I am back on Weight Watchers Program, trying to get my outside to match the vitality that I feel inside. It's so important to me to be healthy and strong at this point, heaven knows I am not getting any younger!
At the end of December this year, I will have completed 3 years of college and will be a senior in college! Wow, funny how I have struggled to see this in my minds eye, and now its closer than close. God willing, I will be a UWGB graduate next year, the first since my dad to graduate college.
And very soon, I will exit the 30's and enter my 40's, and even though I am working hard to find gratitude in living this long and knowing the life experience that I have been given etc, there is that part of me that also understands that it means yet another transition in my life from one phase to another, and wondering what the coming year(s) will bring and what I will accomplish from here. I feel my spirit becoming restless because I can see the places I want to go explore, the life I want to grab onto, and I feel like there is a clock ticking somewhere, telling me to hurry.
If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would be the person I am right now, I would have doubted, but I have grown and changed, matured and become less combative and hell bent on proving myself to everyone around me; I worry so much less about petty things these days, and trust GOD more; I find joy in simplicity and am not ashamed of being a simple woman when it comes to the material things of this world I live in; I've become in tune enough with myself to know what I want, and what I won't have in my life, and I have sincerely learned to appreciate the love and friendship in my life that is real and true, and not be so concerned about the ones who have proven to be too caught up in themselves to be real friends to anyone else. I have hope that I have taught my children positive things, and that they will take the negative things and use them as learning tools to shape their own lives and behaviors. The bottom line is that I HAVE HOPE each and every day. I never just give up and give in.
Life is a school that teaches us a little bit of everything on any given day; my assignment these days is to master the Art of BEING; just simply Being.
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