It seemed fitting to come and write something today....it's New Year's Eve Day, a momentous occasion in the world, the end of a decade, the experiences that become lasting memories in our minds and hearts, and the beginning of what we hope will be better times than the ones we are leaving behind.
I'm filled with mixed emotions as I prepare for this new year. I am starting a new job, diving deeper into my final year of a BA, and wondering, endlessly it seems at times, if I will ever find HIM, or if it will be me and the cats for the rest of my days. I love my cats and all, but I am sure hoping its not the latter!
I realized in a conversation with a friend today, that as we get older it's hilarious how our minds change about dating and futures with men. We're no longer looking at what kind of car they drove up in, we're just happy they HAVE a car! Okay, okay, all jokes aside....(you know that made you laugh tho....) The things that we long for are no longer buyable, we're less concerned with all the material stuff,and more interested in the quality of the man as we get older, because we have been through enough to recognize quality when we experience it, and we appreciate it as women of quality ourselves. They aren't easy to find though, those quality men, they're hidden by others who offer immediate gratification in one way or another, whether it be sexually or in some other way; and we want it NOW, so we reach out for the now answer. Well, while we're dancing some wildly emotional and off balance dance with that person, Quality is waiting quietly in the background, watching and wondering why we don't see him, right? And why don't we see him? Do you ever ask yourself that? I mean, hell of course you do! Any woman that has ever prayed for a "good man" asks herself that EVERY SINGLE TIME, Mr Now comes into our lives and hurts us, don't we? Be really honest with yourself now...
We live in a world of Now! Fast! Quick! So why would we treat our relationships any differently? We are human, we have desires, we have emotions and sometimes we just want them fed, even if that means picking the wrong person for a temporary fix. But, as we get older, we hopefully, (although definitely not true for everyone) come to realize how empty all of that is, and how it doesn't fill any voids or make us feel better about anything. We learn to pass up the Mr Now's, and we quietly wait for Quality to come along. We learn discernment; and I have figured out along the way that it has a lot to do with where we are within ourselves, because as we appreciate, love and respect ourselves more, we don't settle for others giving us anything less in return.
The most important things in relationships can't be bought, they have to be given from the heart. Truth, loyalty, devotion, commitment; those are all elements that need to be "felt", not just spoken, and people are afraid to expose themselves to each other, afraid to really "go all in" because it's been dark and scary in the past when they do that. So what does that leave us then? A lonely present, and a lonely future, because life IS scary! Love is scary! Even the love between parent and child, or best friends, is scary sometimes! But if we're never willing to just go all in for love again, we'll either be alone, or we'll keep distance between us and them so that we only ever have to give "so much", and that just seems like it would be lonely too, doesn't it?
If we spent even half the time loving and being happy as we do with worrying about getting hurt, the world would be a very different place, dont'cha think?
That's what really changes the game up as we get older; we're both carrying baggage now, we've both been through what can feel like lifetimes of bullshit, and neither of us has the energy for the game playing silliness that goes on, so we weed out the Now's while we smile and feel flattered they noticed us, and we stay rooted in place waiting for Quality, because we just know that he is out there....somewhere...we're pretty sure of it, right?
On the horizon for myself in 2011 is, to be less afraid and more brave; less stumbling and more slow and steady; less crying and a lot more laughing; less impatience and more Faith....
Hell, I wish it for all of us! Be Braver, Be more steady on your own two feet, in all the ways that are important in your life, and for goodness sake, LAUGH MORE! AND KEEP THE FAITH!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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