I personally, crave it, need it, and won't do without it, Period. Maybe it's the Scorpio in me that lives and dwells in intensity and high level emotion, or maybe it's the soft feminine part of me; I don't know, I only know that I can't live without it. I have walked away from well meaning men in my life because they didn't know how to seduce or evoke that passion in me, let alone in themselves. I used to feel bad about it; used to, as in I no longer do, and will not ever again, because there is nothing wrong with wanting a man "with a slow hand" as the Pointer Sisters so beautifully sang. Why? Because as humans we crave that contact with another, we have an animalistic desire to be ravished passionately, even though many of us aren't aware of that craving. Do you know how I know though? Soap operas, romance novels, love stories in Hollywood etc., that are making hoards of money because we can't get enough of it..we are a society that feeds off of other people's passion(s), and I think it's because we are either too ashamed/embarrassed to admit that the need lurks within us as well, or because we are just afraid of it. And then there are some of us, who watch romantic movies, absorbed in love scenes, because it's a place we have been and long to be again, so we fill a void through watching it on the big screen; but oftentimes, it's a stark reminder of the holes in our own lives, and that stings a bit, doesn't it? Bittersweet is what it is.
There is a difference between good sex and passionate seductive emotional sex; anyone who has experienced it knows what I'm saying here, right? What is "good sex"? Is it simply sex where the end result is an O or two? For me, that answer is Yes. But, GREAT, Passionate, Seductive Sex? Whew! That, my friends, is a damn Art-form, and one that is all too easily overlooked in this rushed world of ours. It isn't just men that are guilty of it, we are too; sometimes because I think we look at men as "un-errogenous", but men have more than just one spot on their bodies that gets them heated, trust that, it's just a matter of how much time you will take to find out. Along with the art of seduction is the art of communicating; " I hear you, I see you."
We have to stop being afraid of telling each other what we want, what we need and desire, and especially, what we fantasize about! We have to open up and express ourselves! We aren't living in the 1800's anymore, our sexuality is part of us, part of our lives, part of health regimen! (Or at least it SHOULD be!)
And just as important as "asking for it" is being able to hear it as well. Our ego's are sometimes fragile, and instead of hearing our lover ask for more of this or that, or a "hey can we try this," we hear that we aren't doing it right, or good enough, or long enough etc, and when we hear things in that manner, we shut down and become defensive, and then so does our partner.
I think it's important for me to point out here that I am not referring to a completely physical sense of seduction and passion; I am talking more about mental, psychological seduction. And perhaps, it's fair to say that what might be mentally stimulating for me, won't work for the next person and vice versa. I think the people behind the Kama Sutra had something, because the Kama Sutra is all about mental stimulation, patience, & learning to be still and quiet enough to hear your partner as well as yourself, without speaking. Below is a piece of writing I wrote quite some time ago, but when I looked at it today, it fit this blog, so I wanted to add it in....
MIND GAMES
"Tantra is not just about what happens after you strip off your drawstring pants:
It’s about yielding to a vulnerability that goes beyond that of physical nakedness, and admitting to a lack that many have but few fess up to. It’s about elevating sex to more than just bouncing on the bed springs."
Have you ever thought about that moment when your eyes meet his/hers across a room and you can feel electricity course through your body? It isn’t something that happens between all couples, I’ve learned that, it happens when there is a connection so deeply embedded in you that you just know the thoughts and desires of your partner by simply looking into their eyes. Maybe that’s about trust, maybe its real love, genuine friendship or a beautiful combination of all of that, but whatever it is, it’s something you never forget and something you long for everyday for the rest of your life if you are lucky enough to experience it, and then lose it.
It basically has nothing to do with the physical fulfillment of sex, it’s so much deeper than that, so much more meaningful than that, and I wonder how many of us really ever understand it? Put in simple terms, it’s Mind Sex, and I think the Dead Prez said it all best. (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, I highly recommend you look them up and listen to MIND SEX)
I imagine it’s the deepest level of intimacy in existence; an intercourse beyond anything the body alone can achieve; a mental orgasm that promises to make the physical one exceed all known limits and expectations. Let’s face it, humans, esp. the males of our species (sorry guys) are not very patient when it comes to much of anything, let alone sex. We’re conditioned to be so consumed with the end result that we have no idea of the journey that’s possible before that point; but I want to learn it, I want to know what that is. I feel as though I NEED to know. The beauty of the Tantric is; The raw realness, the trust, the connection, and the simple and basic need to be known so completely, to feel safe enough to be vulnerable without limits, and to know your partner just as equally? Hmmmmm.
Think about the seemingly simple act of kissing; or is it simple? I dare say not. There is nothing simple about a kiss to me. In a moment, I’m giving you my breath, and I’m asking for yours, it’s an exchange, but more even than that, think about the way his or her lips feel against yours in that first moment when they touch, the softness, a bit of shyness maybe, and then an intimate exploration done mouth to mouth. I don’t want to be swallowed by a kiss, nor overpowered; I want to feel a sense of gentle surrender between him and me. I want to feel his love for me in that kiss, Love without urgency and orgasmic promise, just Love and passion; the answer to the question, if you will. Kisses like that are rare, and something to behold. There is so much I could say about kissing.
Seduction and Passion- connection, patience, ambiance. A lover that will light candles, run your bath, put on some mood music and then touch you from head to toe slowly as tho he (or she) is savoring every inch of you like a fine wine, wanting to memorize every curve of you. It's love and connection that you "feel" without words, his touch tells you about his love and adoration for you, his kiss strips away your fears and opens you up to him like a blossom under the springtime sun; THAT is seduction; slow burning, patient seduction; and then when you have surrendered to him (her), that is when the passion truly ignites.
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