Crooked

I went to a second interview today at a place, and feel like I have a pretty good shot at the job. Not a job I really WANT, but a job nonetheless...I was told by both interviewers that they liked my personality, and used words like, "Engaging, energetic and sweet".....Engaging? I don't think I have ever been accused of that one before; Energetic? Ummm, yea, if they knew how I was feeling inside that would be the last word they would choose. I'm having a rough couple of weeks again, in and out of darkness in my mind, wondering about my direction, or moreso my lack of these days.

The funny thing is that I was walking around my house noticing how crooked some of the pictures on my walls are, and I had to laugh right out loud because I thought it highly ironic that those crooked pictures seemed to represent ME all of a sudden. I feel like I am off balance, dizzy...not literally, at least not all the time.  One minute you can be on top of the world, feeling like you have things mapped out and know what to do, where to go and how you're going to get there, then suddenly some person or thing happens and pulls the rug right out from underneath you. Bastards.
I'm mad lately, and I'm even mad about being mad!

I see and encounter people all around me that are so willing to toy with other people's emotions, so willing to take take take, while they hoard their own emotions or heart from those who they take so freely from.
I was always taught to treat others as I want to be treated, and I have done my best to do that....but I think I am changing it up for awhile and I am going to just treat people exactly how they treat me and see how it makes people feel. Maybe a wake up call for the world is in order. I'm sick of being nice, sick of being forgiving and sick of seeing the best in people. I'm just going to see the world for what it is....a steaming pile of manure!
Yea, today I'm angry and I just can't find the will to fight it right now, I'm going to just indulge it for a moment, this too shall pass.

I Hope.