The more I read, the more I realize how afflicted we are with this "dis"ease. We are a society consumed with stress, worry, prejudice, political correctness and an "all about ME" attitude. Long gone are the days when your neighbors just wave and smile *just because*, long gone are the days when our kids could run around the neighborhood until well past dark playing with friends, because now we have to worry about them being assaulted or abducted. We are two parent families working to survive, we are single parent homes trying to just keep food on the table and a roof over our heads, we're so stuck in survival mode that we don't have time to have fun anymore! Stop and smell the roses? Are you kidding me? Who the hell has time to stop and smell flowers, I need to get to my next appointment, or drop the kids off at this or that; YOU smell flowers, I just don't have time!
I used to take such joy in simple things in life, and now it just feels like everything is a struggle, another hill to climb, yet another obstacle to overcome. How sad is it that I have to work to find joy in simply being alive on some days? It comes out of nowhere most of the time, it sneaks up and lurks around corners just waiting for some random little thing to upset my balance, because then I at least have something to blame this icky feeling on, a reason that makes some kind of sense.
What if the cold hard truth is, that there are just days I wake up and dont give a damn about anything and can't explain why? *Gasp* Yea, I said it. I dont know WHY, I only know that I feel it. Is it something chemically off in me? Or is it just that once in awhile life just gets a bit overwhelming and the *overload* switch goes off in my head and says "ALERT! Retreat! Hide!" I'm going with the latter. I'm not a depressed person, I'm not unhappy or negative, actually quite the opposite, really, but I have limits and I can be pushed too far now and then. Sue me.
Now don't get me wrong, there is a serious issue of depression out there, a condition that is a medical/psychological condition, and nothing irks me more than to hear someone tell a depressed person that its all in their head. I would just love to give those people 60 minutes inside the mind and psyche of a person gripped with a dark depression, and then when they beg for release, see how they quickly change that stupid psycho babble bs. But I wonder if we're becoming too medicated? I am thankful for the drugs that make life bearable for those people who suffer from real and genuine depression caused by an imbalance in their brain; but I'm worried that if we don't learn to decipher between real depression and just an off day, that we are going to medicate ourselves into oblivion and miss the ride!
I get up each day thankful for a new chance, but there are some days that I also apologize to myself and to my Higher Power for not feeling like its such a great freakin' gift that I had to get outta bed and deal with the world or be a responsable human being. I am a BLESSED woman, truly, I have some of the most amazing friends that care about me and for me when I am in need, I have a nice place to live and we're never without food in our bellies, I drive a car that I enjoy having, and I have been gifted with a kind heart. BUT! There are just some days that I don't give a damn about those things, because life just stinks right then!
And it's okay. IT'S OKAY!!! Did you hear me? We are human, we falter, we stumble, hell we fall flat on our faces sometimes; but we pick our asses up eventually and we dust ourselves off and we keep it movin'! THAT is what's important. We have to stop beating ourselves up for not feeling gratitude ALL the time, or for not realizing for a moment how lucky we are; it's okay dammit, just don't get lost in there, come back out!
you haven't heard the last from me on this subject, stay tuned...
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