There comes a time in every parents life when our children are ready to flee from the safety of the nest and strike out into the world on their own. I think we all hope that we'll be ready when they are, but I'm finding out that they got ready way before I did.
My oldest, an amazing young man, who even though he is 20 years old is still so wet under the wings, has decided that he is content to stay in small town america, working for his father doing construction work. I tried to no avail to urge him to go to school, get a degree in something, a "plan B" if you will, and after many other "situations" where Moms word was just overlooked and ignored, I have decided to just sit quietly back and let him find his own way.
My baby girl, a young woman of 17 (going on 25 most days) thinks she has life all figured out most of the time and doesn't want to hear anything that she herself didn't say. Is that normal? I mean, these two innocent, well behaved kids of mine have just turned into Aliens! I look at them sometimes and don't know where they came from, or who they are! When did it all change? Did something happen in their brains while they were sleeping that just re-programmed them into smart mouth, know it alls? I promise you there was a time when it wasn't like this, I did not dream that!
I don't mind the desire for independence, I don't even mind that they don't like the music I listen to; there are just things I expect because I know that I didn't like my parents music either, and I sure didn't want to be around them all the time, but, no one ever told me or prepared me for the heartache that they can cause a mother. There are many men in the world that are doting fathers, loving attentive fathers, don't get me wrong; but a mother just seems so much more deeply intwined with her children emotionally...we build our lives around our husbands and our children, and although I always have had my childrens best interest in the forefront of my mind, since the divorce from their father 7 years ago, every conscious move I have made in my life since has been orchestrated with their needs and well being before mine. I haven't so much as planned a meal without asking them what they were hungry for first.
At this juncture, I hear from my son once a week or so, unless he needs something in between, and the reality is, that I do understand and accept that he is trying to grow into his own life, and he enjoys country living, as opposed to living in a small suburban area like I do, so being at his dad's 2 hours away makes more sense for him, but it doesn't make it easier for me, and it sure doesn't make the ache in my chest any less when I yearn for the days when he used to sit next to me snuggled up watching tv. I do however, still have one at home; kinda, so I have told myself that I still have at least a year with her before she is ready to spring out the door, only to reappear for visits and a home cooked meal now and then, but the mother in me is feeling all of that change too. Her tolerance seems so much shorter, her indifference so much louder, and on some days it feels more like she is just biding her time until that infamous birthday when the world tells her that she is no longer a "child" but a full fledged, able to vote and make her own rules, adult. Our struggles seem to never end these days, she always has something to say to my requests for dishes or taking out garbage, or how about the eye rolling? Ugh! Does a kid do anything more annoying than that? I mean, really, nothing has ever made me want to reach out and touch someone more than having her roll her eyes at me when I am talking to her! (insert a scream here-) Where did my little girl go, and who is this spawn of Satan that has replaced her?
A lady friend of mine with children older than mine said to me recently, " you know why they get like this and start driving us crazy at this age, don't you?" Almost pleading, I said, "No, but please please Pleeeeeease explain it to me!" She laughed, that laugh of a veteran who understands your battle scars and can sympathize with you, and said calmly, "because this is God's way of getting a Mama ready to let go." Let that sink in for a moment, because I know I had to, and then it hit me like a truck, she is so right. I mean, if we ge to the point where the smart mouths, and the never ending last words just finally wear on our last good nerve, we're almost thankful for the peace and quiet when they go, aren't we? Seriously!
My girl is making choices to keep her job up there where her father is, and has begun to talk about the impending "move out", although she is trying to do it discreetly so as not to cause her mother too much inner turbulence; what she doesn't realize is that her mother is already very aware of it. I feel unheard, and unappreciated lately, and sometimes the frustration of having to defend every single request I make, or to explain WHY a hundred times, gets the best of me and I think that I'll be so happy when she ......and then the ache in my chest stops me right there and I can't even bring myself to say the rest of the words. I thought I would be ready when they outgrew me, but what I am very clearly understanding is that I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for them to not need me so much; I haven't outgrown them, not even close, and thinking about them only being around for a visit here and there feels like someone has knocked the wind out of me, but ultimately I know that all I can do is love them as deeply and truly as I always have;
And give them wings to fly, with the hopes that they will never forget the way home.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
If Nothing Could Stop You.....
The question is WHAT HOLDS YOU BACK? Where would you go, and what would you do if there was nothing to get in the way?
The answer is, that only you can answer that, and truthfully, I wonder how many of us really know what holds us back. I've learned along the way, and even though I know, it doesn't always help me to prevent it from stopping me from doing something or going somewhere new. The knowing is half the battle though, that's the good news. Arent you glad there was some good news? The bad news is that YOU have to take the steps necessary to change the barriers around you, by first identifying what they are, and how you let them affect you or inhibit you. Is that really bad news? No, I don't think so, just kinda scary, isn't it; to think that the power of change is within YOU, and that YOU have to DO it? There is no button to push or someone else to call upon to make it happen, it's all up to YOU.
I remember the day I read that statement in a book about embracing fear, and it gave me such a feeling of immense power because it made me feel like everything I wanted, or didn't want, in my life was within my ability to change! Wow, what an amazing insight!
I identified a few things in myself at that time...that my biggest obstacle in my life was FEAR. Okay," Great, I thought, now I know!" Yea, uh, but now what? How do I just stop being afraid? What am I afraid of? (did you notice that I said that in present tense? Umm, that's because as much as I would like to proclaim to not be afraid anymore, I still am sometimes.)
But, through life experience and time, I have learned something about fear. It's healthy when used properly! Let me try to explain this, if you're standing in a dark alley in a bad part of town and your fear radar is blaring in your head, that's your intuition and common sense telling you to get the hell outta there! On the other hand, if you're falling in love persay, fear is not something you want to get in your head too much. Still following me? There is such a thing as caution and we should all heed caution when necessary, but allowing full blown fear to interfere in our lives is just downright dangerous; seriously.
I was married to a man who was always scared, scared of the "what ifs", scared of the unknown, scared of things he couldn't control, everything! So afraid in fact that he talked himself right into his miserable existence, everything he feared became his reality. How many people do we all know like that? People who are so caught up in their fear of being alone, fear of being poor, my goodness the list could go on and on, right? The Law of Attraction in the Universe states that like thoughts attract like thoughts. Wow, imagine that! So when we feed our irrational fears, or dwell on the negative *what ifs* in life, we are bringing them to us in essence. Now that is a powerful thought isn't it? If you want good things and good experiences in your life, you have to let go of the negative self talk, the negative fears, and all of the old pages in the book of YOU, and start talking to yourself with positive thoughts, brave thoughts! Rewrite those pages of your life, each day is a clean, empty page! What's holding you back now?
Funny story; when I was 14 years old, we took a class trip to Great America. I had never ridden a roller coaster, although I had thoughts about them,I never really imagined I would be brave enough to try. I got in line for this loopty dee Loop roller coaster at the coaxing of my well meaning, fearless friends; I was terrified as I watched that ride whiz through the loops, upside down, down steep drops, at this point, I was sweating, shaking, but even worse than my fear of that demon roller coaster, was my fear of my friends seeing how afraid I was! So I kept moving with them through the line, getting closer and closer to the loading area, where my life would most likely come to an end. . Dramatic? Yea, well you should have told that to the 180 mile an hour heartbeat in my chest! At the last second, I considered bailing out, I thought very very seriously about not caring what the hell anyone thought of me, but I was 14, of course I cared what my friends thought of me, I mean, DUH! Peer pressure is a real bitch, isn't it?
I got on the Tidal Wave at Six Flags Great America in 1984, and have been a roller coaster junkie ever since! Matter of fact, we rode that ride 4 times in a row that day, I couldn't get enough. A few years ago, my kids and some friends and I conquered the biggest, fastest rc at Six Flags now, after watching it for 2 years in a row and being too chicken to get on it. We not only rode it once, we rode it twice, and the second time, we even put our hands in the air!
The point is? I found out that I have a very adventurous spirit within me; a spirit that loves to overcome what I think is trying to stop me, a desire to be triumphant over my fear. I have traveled to new places, met new people, I have taken chances. Now and then, we discover that a chance we took didn't turn out exactly like we had hoped, or like we had pictured, but even in those experiences there was something to learn and a reason you experienced it. You have to believe that, otherwise, what is life really about? What is all this for, if not to teach us, and to open up opportunities for us to teach as well?
I'm not perfect, nor do I have all of this down to a science, fear still grips me sometimes, but not as much, and not in regards to as many things as it used to. I have so much left to accomplish, so many things I want to bring to fruition in my life, and in the lives of others; I want to love without fear, I want to trust without so much fear attached to it, and I will, this I am sure of, baby steps.
No one can conquer it for you, they can be with you, but ultimately YOU have to do it. So what's stopping you; holding you back; keeping you from the life you want and desire? Isn't it time to figure it out? No time like the present! Conquer your "roller coaster!"
Think it! Feel it! See it! It's waiting for you :)
The answer is, that only you can answer that, and truthfully, I wonder how many of us really know what holds us back. I've learned along the way, and even though I know, it doesn't always help me to prevent it from stopping me from doing something or going somewhere new. The knowing is half the battle though, that's the good news. Arent you glad there was some good news? The bad news is that YOU have to take the steps necessary to change the barriers around you, by first identifying what they are, and how you let them affect you or inhibit you. Is that really bad news? No, I don't think so, just kinda scary, isn't it; to think that the power of change is within YOU, and that YOU have to DO it? There is no button to push or someone else to call upon to make it happen, it's all up to YOU.
I remember the day I read that statement in a book about embracing fear, and it gave me such a feeling of immense power because it made me feel like everything I wanted, or didn't want, in my life was within my ability to change! Wow, what an amazing insight!
I identified a few things in myself at that time...that my biggest obstacle in my life was FEAR. Okay," Great, I thought, now I know!" Yea, uh, but now what? How do I just stop being afraid? What am I afraid of? (did you notice that I said that in present tense? Umm, that's because as much as I would like to proclaim to not be afraid anymore, I still am sometimes.)
But, through life experience and time, I have learned something about fear. It's healthy when used properly! Let me try to explain this, if you're standing in a dark alley in a bad part of town and your fear radar is blaring in your head, that's your intuition and common sense telling you to get the hell outta there! On the other hand, if you're falling in love persay, fear is not something you want to get in your head too much. Still following me? There is such a thing as caution and we should all heed caution when necessary, but allowing full blown fear to interfere in our lives is just downright dangerous; seriously.
I was married to a man who was always scared, scared of the "what ifs", scared of the unknown, scared of things he couldn't control, everything! So afraid in fact that he talked himself right into his miserable existence, everything he feared became his reality. How many people do we all know like that? People who are so caught up in their fear of being alone, fear of being poor, my goodness the list could go on and on, right? The Law of Attraction in the Universe states that like thoughts attract like thoughts. Wow, imagine that! So when we feed our irrational fears, or dwell on the negative *what ifs* in life, we are bringing them to us in essence. Now that is a powerful thought isn't it? If you want good things and good experiences in your life, you have to let go of the negative self talk, the negative fears, and all of the old pages in the book of YOU, and start talking to yourself with positive thoughts, brave thoughts! Rewrite those pages of your life, each day is a clean, empty page! What's holding you back now?
Funny story; when I was 14 years old, we took a class trip to Great America. I had never ridden a roller coaster, although I had thoughts about them,I never really imagined I would be brave enough to try. I got in line for this loopty dee Loop roller coaster at the coaxing of my well meaning, fearless friends; I was terrified as I watched that ride whiz through the loops, upside down, down steep drops, at this point, I was sweating, shaking, but even worse than my fear of that demon roller coaster, was my fear of my friends seeing how afraid I was! So I kept moving with them through the line, getting closer and closer to the loading area, where my life would most likely come to an end. . Dramatic? Yea, well you should have told that to the 180 mile an hour heartbeat in my chest! At the last second, I considered bailing out, I thought very very seriously about not caring what the hell anyone thought of me, but I was 14, of course I cared what my friends thought of me, I mean, DUH! Peer pressure is a real bitch, isn't it?
I got on the Tidal Wave at Six Flags Great America in 1984, and have been a roller coaster junkie ever since! Matter of fact, we rode that ride 4 times in a row that day, I couldn't get enough. A few years ago, my kids and some friends and I conquered the biggest, fastest rc at Six Flags now, after watching it for 2 years in a row and being too chicken to get on it. We not only rode it once, we rode it twice, and the second time, we even put our hands in the air!
The point is? I found out that I have a very adventurous spirit within me; a spirit that loves to overcome what I think is trying to stop me, a desire to be triumphant over my fear. I have traveled to new places, met new people, I have taken chances. Now and then, we discover that a chance we took didn't turn out exactly like we had hoped, or like we had pictured, but even in those experiences there was something to learn and a reason you experienced it. You have to believe that, otherwise, what is life really about? What is all this for, if not to teach us, and to open up opportunities for us to teach as well?
I'm not perfect, nor do I have all of this down to a science, fear still grips me sometimes, but not as much, and not in regards to as many things as it used to. I have so much left to accomplish, so many things I want to bring to fruition in my life, and in the lives of others; I want to love without fear, I want to trust without so much fear attached to it, and I will, this I am sure of, baby steps.
No one can conquer it for you, they can be with you, but ultimately YOU have to do it. So what's stopping you; holding you back; keeping you from the life you want and desire? Isn't it time to figure it out? No time like the present! Conquer your "roller coaster!"
Think it! Feel it! See it! It's waiting for you :)
A Queen in the Making
Once upon a time there was a princess....
Bla bla bla! Do you remember those fairy tales, the ones that always started out so sweetly and so innocently, the ones that had us little girls believing that if we kissed a toad he would turn into our Prince? Wow, really? Yes, really. We believed it, I did for sure. No one told us then that sometimes a toad is really just a damn toad, and nothing like a prince at all! Maybe because the fairy tale version of life is so much nicer to feed our little girls,and it makes us feel better when we crawl into bed at night after reading our daughters and neices these rose colored stories, because it makes them feel all warm and hopeful inside. (and we wonder how our kids end up so messed up?) Hell, I wish someone would have just said that I may have to kiss some toads to get to a prince, not filled my head with some magical vision of turning a bumpy ugly toad into my handsome knight in shining armor!
I guess this begs the question though...do we always see those ugly bumps, or is our vision obscured right from the start? I think it's a little of both, to be honest; I mean really, how many times have you met someone and somewhere inside you just know that this person isn't right for you, doesn't fit into your plans or have any kind of "I'm your future" written on them? Yes, yes, I know you're smiling now, because you know exactly what Im talking about, dont you? But here is where our GOD complex comes into play, as I like to call it. The ole' "I can change him! I can fix him! He'll be a better person if I just stick with him!" (I'm only using HIM/HE because I am a female, so don't anyone get your panties crinkled) Say it with me, NO! NO! NO!
We don't have that kind of Power! We are merely humans, and chances are, if you're thinking like that in the first place, then you may not be as healthy as you think you are either! Ouch, right? I know. But we are being real here, remember?
So, that princess I mentioned up there? She kissed her toad, had her first orgasm with him, thought for sure it must be LOVE, and married him. Two amazing children, new home, new cars, and 18 years later, those ugly bumps and that swampy attitude could no longer be ignored. Prince Charming was not a prince afterall, and ya know' not even close to charming either. Hmmmm. What do you then, because the stories never told us that there was any other option besides "happily ever after," they never warned us that one day this life you had built would just be gone, and chaos and turmoil would take its place. Those rotten bastards!
But alas, there comes along an old cliche about how everything happens for a reason....now mind you, that doesnt really matter for awhile, doesnt make sense, surely doesnt make it better, and it damn well does not make YOU feel better! But...
Okay, are you ready for this? It really is true. At some point, on some random Monday night, when you're sitting comfortably in your cozy little house, watching your favorite tv show, or reading your book without some asshole hassling you, (you get the point), you realize that you are right where you are supposed to be in that moment.
I am a firm believer that the greatest gift we can give ourselves is to spend some time alone, not a day or two, Im talking really just be with yourself for awhile, months, maybe years if thats what it takes, but be alone! Learn about the mechanics of YOU, figure out what makes you worth being around, understand exactly what you have to offer someone else. Because trust me, if you can't stand being with yourself alone, why the hell should you expect anyone else to want to be? Make sense? Yea, I thought so. Then, while your brushing up on the book of YOU, take some time to figure out what you need and want out of life, not just a relationship with someone else, but what you really want and need and what you have to do, to accomplish those things.
It has taken me some time, and some hard knocks, but I can safely tell you that I know myself. Sometimes, I don't always like what I know, and I continue to work on those things about myself that I feel need some extra TLC, but deep down, I know who I am and what I want and where I want to go with my life....
We all have to go through our toads and wallow in some swampy waters along the way; we get hurt, we cry, we love, we lose, we wilt and we blossom. It's called LIFE; but the amazing thing is one day, you go to your closet and find a box on the shelf that you have never seen before, and you reach for it and take off the lid-
inside lays your crown, not the meek, fragile crown of a princess, but the brilliant, strong crown of a Queen; and it has your name on it. Wear it proudly, you've earned it!
Bla bla bla! Do you remember those fairy tales, the ones that always started out so sweetly and so innocently, the ones that had us little girls believing that if we kissed a toad he would turn into our Prince? Wow, really? Yes, really. We believed it, I did for sure. No one told us then that sometimes a toad is really just a damn toad, and nothing like a prince at all! Maybe because the fairy tale version of life is so much nicer to feed our little girls,and it makes us feel better when we crawl into bed at night after reading our daughters and neices these rose colored stories, because it makes them feel all warm and hopeful inside. (and we wonder how our kids end up so messed up?) Hell, I wish someone would have just said that I may have to kiss some toads to get to a prince, not filled my head with some magical vision of turning a bumpy ugly toad into my handsome knight in shining armor!
I guess this begs the question though...do we always see those ugly bumps, or is our vision obscured right from the start? I think it's a little of both, to be honest; I mean really, how many times have you met someone and somewhere inside you just know that this person isn't right for you, doesn't fit into your plans or have any kind of "I'm your future" written on them? Yes, yes, I know you're smiling now, because you know exactly what Im talking about, dont you? But here is where our GOD complex comes into play, as I like to call it. The ole' "I can change him! I can fix him! He'll be a better person if I just stick with him!" (I'm only using HIM/HE because I am a female, so don't anyone get your panties crinkled) Say it with me, NO! NO! NO!
We don't have that kind of Power! We are merely humans, and chances are, if you're thinking like that in the first place, then you may not be as healthy as you think you are either! Ouch, right? I know. But we are being real here, remember?
So, that princess I mentioned up there? She kissed her toad, had her first orgasm with him, thought for sure it must be LOVE, and married him. Two amazing children, new home, new cars, and 18 years later, those ugly bumps and that swampy attitude could no longer be ignored. Prince Charming was not a prince afterall, and ya know' not even close to charming either. Hmmmm. What do you then, because the stories never told us that there was any other option besides "happily ever after," they never warned us that one day this life you had built would just be gone, and chaos and turmoil would take its place. Those rotten bastards!
But alas, there comes along an old cliche about how everything happens for a reason....now mind you, that doesnt really matter for awhile, doesnt make sense, surely doesnt make it better, and it damn well does not make YOU feel better! But...
Okay, are you ready for this? It really is true. At some point, on some random Monday night, when you're sitting comfortably in your cozy little house, watching your favorite tv show, or reading your book without some asshole hassling you, (you get the point), you realize that you are right where you are supposed to be in that moment.
I am a firm believer that the greatest gift we can give ourselves is to spend some time alone, not a day or two, Im talking really just be with yourself for awhile, months, maybe years if thats what it takes, but be alone! Learn about the mechanics of YOU, figure out what makes you worth being around, understand exactly what you have to offer someone else. Because trust me, if you can't stand being with yourself alone, why the hell should you expect anyone else to want to be? Make sense? Yea, I thought so. Then, while your brushing up on the book of YOU, take some time to figure out what you need and want out of life, not just a relationship with someone else, but what you really want and need and what you have to do, to accomplish those things.
It has taken me some time, and some hard knocks, but I can safely tell you that I know myself. Sometimes, I don't always like what I know, and I continue to work on those things about myself that I feel need some extra TLC, but deep down, I know who I am and what I want and where I want to go with my life....
We all have to go through our toads and wallow in some swampy waters along the way; we get hurt, we cry, we love, we lose, we wilt and we blossom. It's called LIFE; but the amazing thing is one day, you go to your closet and find a box on the shelf that you have never seen before, and you reach for it and take off the lid-
inside lays your crown, not the meek, fragile crown of a princess, but the brilliant, strong crown of a Queen; and it has your name on it. Wear it proudly, you've earned it!
Depression or an Off Day?
The more I read, the more I realize how afflicted we are with this "dis"ease. We are a society consumed with stress, worry, prejudice, political correctness and an "all about ME" attitude. Long gone are the days when your neighbors just wave and smile *just because*, long gone are the days when our kids could run around the neighborhood until well past dark playing with friends, because now we have to worry about them being assaulted or abducted. We are two parent families working to survive, we are single parent homes trying to just keep food on the table and a roof over our heads, we're so stuck in survival mode that we don't have time to have fun anymore! Stop and smell the roses? Are you kidding me? Who the hell has time to stop and smell flowers, I need to get to my next appointment, or drop the kids off at this or that; YOU smell flowers, I just don't have time!
I used to take such joy in simple things in life, and now it just feels like everything is a struggle, another hill to climb, yet another obstacle to overcome. How sad is it that I have to work to find joy in simply being alive on some days? It comes out of nowhere most of the time, it sneaks up and lurks around corners just waiting for some random little thing to upset my balance, because then I at least have something to blame this icky feeling on, a reason that makes some kind of sense.
What if the cold hard truth is, that there are just days I wake up and dont give a damn about anything and can't explain why? *Gasp* Yea, I said it. I dont know WHY, I only know that I feel it. Is it something chemically off in me? Or is it just that once in awhile life just gets a bit overwhelming and the *overload* switch goes off in my head and says "ALERT! Retreat! Hide!" I'm going with the latter. I'm not a depressed person, I'm not unhappy or negative, actually quite the opposite, really, but I have limits and I can be pushed too far now and then. Sue me.
Now don't get me wrong, there is a serious issue of depression out there, a condition that is a medical/psychological condition, and nothing irks me more than to hear someone tell a depressed person that its all in their head. I would just love to give those people 60 minutes inside the mind and psyche of a person gripped with a dark depression, and then when they beg for release, see how they quickly change that stupid psycho babble bs. But I wonder if we're becoming too medicated? I am thankful for the drugs that make life bearable for those people who suffer from real and genuine depression caused by an imbalance in their brain; but I'm worried that if we don't learn to decipher between real depression and just an off day, that we are going to medicate ourselves into oblivion and miss the ride!
I get up each day thankful for a new chance, but there are some days that I also apologize to myself and to my Higher Power for not feeling like its such a great freakin' gift that I had to get outta bed and deal with the world or be a responsable human being. I am a BLESSED woman, truly, I have some of the most amazing friends that care about me and for me when I am in need, I have a nice place to live and we're never without food in our bellies, I drive a car that I enjoy having, and I have been gifted with a kind heart. BUT! There are just some days that I don't give a damn about those things, because life just stinks right then!
And it's okay. IT'S OKAY!!! Did you hear me? We are human, we falter, we stumble, hell we fall flat on our faces sometimes; but we pick our asses up eventually and we dust ourselves off and we keep it movin'! THAT is what's important. We have to stop beating ourselves up for not feeling gratitude ALL the time, or for not realizing for a moment how lucky we are; it's okay dammit, just don't get lost in there, come back out!
you haven't heard the last from me on this subject, stay tuned...
I used to take such joy in simple things in life, and now it just feels like everything is a struggle, another hill to climb, yet another obstacle to overcome. How sad is it that I have to work to find joy in simply being alive on some days? It comes out of nowhere most of the time, it sneaks up and lurks around corners just waiting for some random little thing to upset my balance, because then I at least have something to blame this icky feeling on, a reason that makes some kind of sense.
What if the cold hard truth is, that there are just days I wake up and dont give a damn about anything and can't explain why? *Gasp* Yea, I said it. I dont know WHY, I only know that I feel it. Is it something chemically off in me? Or is it just that once in awhile life just gets a bit overwhelming and the *overload* switch goes off in my head and says "ALERT! Retreat! Hide!" I'm going with the latter. I'm not a depressed person, I'm not unhappy or negative, actually quite the opposite, really, but I have limits and I can be pushed too far now and then. Sue me.
Now don't get me wrong, there is a serious issue of depression out there, a condition that is a medical/psychological condition, and nothing irks me more than to hear someone tell a depressed person that its all in their head. I would just love to give those people 60 minutes inside the mind and psyche of a person gripped with a dark depression, and then when they beg for release, see how they quickly change that stupid psycho babble bs. But I wonder if we're becoming too medicated? I am thankful for the drugs that make life bearable for those people who suffer from real and genuine depression caused by an imbalance in their brain; but I'm worried that if we don't learn to decipher between real depression and just an off day, that we are going to medicate ourselves into oblivion and miss the ride!
I get up each day thankful for a new chance, but there are some days that I also apologize to myself and to my Higher Power for not feeling like its such a great freakin' gift that I had to get outta bed and deal with the world or be a responsable human being. I am a BLESSED woman, truly, I have some of the most amazing friends that care about me and for me when I am in need, I have a nice place to live and we're never without food in our bellies, I drive a car that I enjoy having, and I have been gifted with a kind heart. BUT! There are just some days that I don't give a damn about those things, because life just stinks right then!
And it's okay. IT'S OKAY!!! Did you hear me? We are human, we falter, we stumble, hell we fall flat on our faces sometimes; but we pick our asses up eventually and we dust ourselves off and we keep it movin'! THAT is what's important. We have to stop beating ourselves up for not feeling gratitude ALL the time, or for not realizing for a moment how lucky we are; it's okay dammit, just don't get lost in there, come back out!
you haven't heard the last from me on this subject, stay tuned...
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